just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
