It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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