Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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