It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
