Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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