I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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