I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
