it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
