It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
