I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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