If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
