Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
