i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
