Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
