I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
