I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
