She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
