i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
