at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize