I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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