Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
