Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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