Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
