My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
