I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
