I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
