I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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