On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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