Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
