did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
