Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
