You're my little dorito
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
