Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think my nap took me to another dimension
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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