If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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