I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
