doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
