Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
