Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
