Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
