I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
