your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
