Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
