they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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