he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize