This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
