There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
