I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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