separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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