I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
