the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
