he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
