Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
