It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
