If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
