We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize