He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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