I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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