Non-Jews are for practice
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
