My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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