I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
