none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Say something about gay babies.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
