what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
