Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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