Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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