I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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