how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
