I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
