You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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