So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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