i don't like sucking hair
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
